As parents, we want what's best for our kids. Often we do what we can to make them happy. We don't want them to experience struggle, turmoil or disappointment, so we try hard to satisfy their wishes. While we may have the best of intentions, sometimes it goes too far. Overindulgence happens when we satisfy the child's wishes to an extreme extent.
Kids who are overindulged may begin to think that the way they're growing up is how the world works. They start to expect that they can buy anything they want when they want it.
Stress can cause parents to at times be more indulgent. For example, when you're at the store and your child wants something, do you buy it to avoid your child throwing a fit? It's important to think about the reason we are purchasing items for our children:
- Do they really need it?
- Does it help them grow emotionally, spiritually, or physically?
- What are the life lessons that we are trying to teach our kids? (And does buying them three different gaming systems and letting them have a TV in their room do that?)
Indulgence is about more than spending; it is also about setting expectations, such as for kids doing their chores or eating their vegetables. We need to teach these lessons, too.
Here are some guidelines for parents to avoid overindulgence:
- If you are taking your kids shopping, make a plan and discuss it with your child before you leave home. If you don’t plan to buy anything for them, tell them ahead of time. Then stick to “no” regardless how many times they ask. According to a national survey commissioned by the Center for a New American Dream, American children aged 12 to 17 will ask their parents for something an average of nine times until their parents finally give in. And the nagging strategy works. 55 percent of the kids surveyed said they are usually successful in getting their parents to give in!
- Set rules for large purchases. Saving large items for Christmas and birthday gifts helps children learn to wait.
- Communicate expectations about family time, such as eating dinner together or what behaviors are expected during special family nights.
- Don't be quick to solve your child's issues with their coach, teacher, friends, etc. Give them a chance to resolve their own conflicts and figure out solutions to problems.
- Teach kids the value of a dollar by having them help you grocery shop and stay within a budget.
- Give your kids an allowance – expect them to save their own money for things they really want.
- Expect children to do chores and that their chores will be done prior to privileges. Chores help children learn responsibility and make them feel like a valued member of the family.
- Make financial plans as a family. Involve older children in saving for a family trip. They may be able to come up with ways to reduce monthly spending.
- Establish rules for devices. Decide what age a child will be allowed to own a phone, when and how it will be used (turned off at night, how many hours a day, which apps are OK), where it will be allowed, etc. Set limit for screen time. Too much time in front of the television or computer can lead to isolation from the family. Having screens in their rooms can also hinder their sleep.
- Realize that it’s OK to set limits for kids and to say “no.” Life is not always about being told yes, and we need to prepare our kids for being told no as well.
- Accept your role as a decision maker for your kids. Kids have too many decisions to make and often are not developmentally able to make good decisions. It’s our job, as parents, to guide them.
